As some of you know, I was scheduled to go to MD Anderson today for a trial drug administration and some tests. Unfortunately, things got a little worse here in the last 18 hours, and the pain has broken through the morphine and Norco barrier that we had set up. Given the degree of discomfort I'm experiencing right now, I determined (and Liz agreed) that I simply wouldn't make it through 9 hours in the car today. After lots of talk and consideration, I've also decided, and Liz agrees, that it's time to terminate the trial drug path and concentrate on making my life as tolerable as possible for the next while.
Liz is setting up the home hospice care to begin as soon as possible, and we'll be working today to move the palliative care effort (pain relief) up here to the Dallas area. This is a big decision, and one that's been recommended to me over the past few weeks by several people--incuding those closest to me.
What does this mean? Well, for one thing, it means that the focus on my health care will shift from Houston to Keller, and that we'll be looking for ways to make me comfortable (which has been a life-long pursuit for me anyway, so it'll come naturally). It doesn't mean that I/we are giving up, but it does mean that we'll be putting lots more attention on living with dignity whatever comes down the road.
How long will this last? Of course, we don't really know. I've been fighting cancer since March, 2001, and I've already lived well beyond what our expectations were back then. So, no predictions at this point. My plan is to have as many high-quality days as possible for as long as possible, but as Tully Bascomb once said (after Bobby Burns) "the best laid plans...."
What do I need? As this point, the love and support of my family and friends is really all that's required (and some goooood drugs!). Liz and Megan are here taking care of me, and I couldn't ask for a better (or prettier) nursing team. I'm expecting to spend more time sleeping than I have in the past, and my shortness of breath makes telephone calls difficult, but I have my Kindle, Liz's laptop for when I can't quite make it into the office, and, frankly, this blog. I'm expecting numerous fawning visits from my various local offspring and their offspring as well.
This is a new, but not unexpected direction. Liz and I feel strongly that we're prepared to head down this new path, and I hope we'll continue to get your love, support (and even tolerance when needed) as we do.
4 comments:
That is a big decision, Jerry. And I'm sure you and Liz know the best for you but...I am sad. Sorry, I get maudlin sometimes and this is one of those times.
Dear Jerry, Although we have never met, I am John's aunt and I am very fond of your daughter, Katie. Bob, my husband, and I were unable to go to Vermont for the wedding. I'm praying for you and hope you find some comfort in hospice. I firmly believe it is the quality not the quantity of time that we have. My father was on hospice for about one year and it was very helpful to him and to all of us. again, my thoughts and prayers are for you and your family. Cathy Kane Hayward
Dear Jerry,
Ellis & I, (as well as our whole family) are saddened to hear of your worsening health. I will never forget the wonderful time we had in Vermont, nor the ribbing you gave us about Ellis and your daughter. What a fun memory! I think of you and Liz often. You are lovely people and it is reflected in your beautiful children and grandchildren. I'm rooting on good pain relief for you so you can fully enjoy your days. Hugs to you & Liz. Tory Toler
Hi Jerry,
Don't know if you will remember us, but David and I did go to John & Katie's wedding in Vermont and very much enjoyed that beautiful weekend and all the wonderful events that made it such a memorable trip. You & Liz were so generous & hospitable, and it was a pleasure to meet you both.
Since then, John & Katie have come to Galveston several times, and we all love Katie very much. She is beautiful, has an infectious smile and strikes me as very positive & outgoing. We had a conversation about Galveston politics, so I can say that she is also a very good listener.
Last summer, they brought baby Joe and of course we were all completely smitten w/ him. What a sugarlump! You must be very proud of your sweet grandson.
Just want you to know we're thinking of you and hoping you are having a good day today.
Ginny & David Oliver
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